Monday, July 25, 2011

My Momma

I went out for ice cream tonight and had a wonderful flashback memory to one of the things that makes my mom so great. There are a thousand big reason, like being strong and inspiring(it's true, she inspires me every single day with how upbeat she is when she feels like shit), but it was a really small reason tonight why I remembered why she is so awesome.

When she would take my brother and I to the beach during the summer we would stop and get doughnuts at those Dunkin/Baskin Robbins combo places for breakfast on the way and she would always let me get ice cream for breakfast.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Who does that!?

The one thing that has been helpful to get through the week after chemo treatments is a home nurse who gives my mom an IV of hydration and nausea medicine.

The nurse who was coming was awful. To the point that one weekend she went away for the weekend, didn't arrange for someone to cover her, and then pretended she didn't know who my mom was when the nurses office called to inquire about it. That weekend by Sunday afternoon when a nurse finally came to cover my mom passed out in bed while he was washing his hands, then started throwing up all over the place by the time he brought her back to. Whereas normally the help of the nurse and the IV those things would be under control.

I finally convinced her that she needed to call and request someone new.

Well I met said new lady while I was home and that bitch started talking to my mom about hospice, saying that was where most of her patients go. My mom answered that in fact she was not one of those patients that she is actually one of the ones who will be getting better. And the nurse did not back peddle of reaffirm that sentiment, she just shrugged her fing shoulders. WHO DOES THAT?

THEN she turned the conversation to lecturing my mom about how she may be short on home visits and about how those may be running out, or have already run out but she could help her find out till Tuesday. Great lady put her into a panic about if the help she needs will be able to continue.

What happened to the days of medical help who care about you getting better and being kind? Do I need to hire a candy stripper to get some kindness up in this joint? Or at least someone who shows up when they are supposed to and doesn't suggest you consider end of life care.

Vent over....well at least until I feel the "WTF" rage again about that lady.

Like a library book...

This post is long overdue and I have no excuse other than that my dog ate my post. Or that there has just been so much happening that it was hard to sit down and put pen to paper...or in this case fingers to keys.

So prior to the last two chemo treatments the doctor made the same two statements.

1. He thinks the cancer part of the tumor is gone, and what remains is just scar tissue left from having multiple biopisies.

2. My mom is brave and amazing because she has endured symptoms far longer than any patient he had ever cared for. That her symptoms were so bad and more people had opted out to surgery for less.

I went home over the 4th of July weekend to care for her after her chemo treatment and spent the whole weekend in bed hanging out with her with the exception of Saturday night which also included a trip to the hospital.

During the day her urine began to include blood which is unusual for her given the kind of cancer she has, and by evening it was accompanied by a sharp pain in her side that even the Valium refused to help. Right as my friend Kelly walked through the door to visit us I was packing her up to take her to the ER and I just looked at her and said don't you go anywhere, so she followed along(bless her heart, but she comes from good genes since her momma is the wonderful lady who has been a pillar for my mom). We were very blessed that when we got there the room was completely empty so we were ushered right back and actually were back on our way home about three hours later because it turned out to be a kidney stone that she passed before we even made it to the hospital. Thank God that is all it was.

The week that followed included severe symptoms to the point that she could not get out of bed by Thursday a week later, and by Friday she was so upset about the state of her condition she insisted on visiting the doctor. I am so glad she did because she was reaching an unhealthy state that I had not seen her in no matter how bad it had gotten. She and the doctor decided that it was best to be done with chemo treatments, seeing as there was only one left and the doctor said it was not medically necessary. So that leaves us at waiting for her to build up some strength(which she gets more of each day) so that she can visit the surgeon to determine how the next step will play out.


Today on Washingtonian Magazines website I saw an article called When a Breast Cancer Surgeon's Mother Undergoes a Double Mastectomy.  

It is a lengthy title but the article drew my attention, and nine pages later my heart was in it. 

The questions she is asking has been on my heart since this all began, what will I do. 

How will I prevent myself from ending up fighting for my life. 

It is a serious question that has now entered my life, and I don't know what I would do. Live my life knowing I could have to deal with this at any moment, or take a preemptive strike and drastically remove them. At this point I don't know that I will find out if I carry the gene because my moms insurance will not pay for the test.

What would you do? I'd like to think that my faith in God is strong enough that I could go not knowing and just be diligent in medical maintenance and trust that God has a plan for my life and what is meant to be will happen.

But on the other hand, should I ever want to have children, do I want them their poor little hearts to have to endure seeing their mother going through chemo treatments and having to have the fear of the unknown future. If you can reduce your chances down to 10% percent chance of getting breast cancer just by having them taken off(granted only if you carry the gene) do you do it?

How do you ever make a choice like that.